By Grace of My Heart
Greetings to everyone out there surfing the World Wide Web! I'm very impressed by the paralinks web site in general, and especially, it's exciting (no pun intended), to see people with SCI connecting and exchanging thoughts and advise to other's about their sexuality -- such a vital subject to enhance our overall quality of life!
I've been a C5-6 complete quad for 21 years, since I had a diving accident at the age of 14. At first, I had no idea if I would be capable of experiencing sexual pleasure. And, of course, I didn't get any information about it from the rehab hospital at that time. I probably wouldn't have been ready for it anyway, since I was just beginning to experience puberty, and adjusting to life as a quad was hard enough on my self-esteem. Fortunately for me, there was a bright shining light at the end of the tunnel! After some very awkward encounters of having no clue of what to do or what I could feel when I was 17 or 18, I had a wonderful initiation into the world of sexual pleasure when I was 19 years old. As I said, I feel that I was very fortunate to have a man (who was significantly older and, obviously, much more experienced then I) wanting to give me as much pleasure as I could take!
I discovered, to my tremendous surprise, that I COULD EXPERIENCE ORGASMS! Even multiple orgasms, clitoral and vaginal. I'm not saying this to brag, I just want people to know that wonderful pleasurable sensations are possible for women who are quads. I realize, as some people have said, that having orgasms is not the one and only goal of a sexual experience. It can be totally fulfilling and satisfying to give and to receive massage, kissing, and snuggling -- especially if both partners are naked and just enjoying the closeness and bonding of lying together and touching, to whatever extent they are physically able to.
In order to keep this somewhat R-rated, I won't go into explicit detail here, but I'd be happy to respond to anyone's questions if you'd like to write to me! However, here are a few points that I have learned to be the most important things to enhance a woman's, (whether she's a quad or not), experience of sexual pleasure. First of all, be willing to experiment to find the places on your, or your partners, body that are the most sensitive or erogenous. For me, those places are my neck, ears, and lips. Remember, to always start out gently, with light touching, kissing, or licking.
TAKE YOUR TIME!
Also, it's great to experiment with different positions, depending on how loose your hips and knee joints are. I, personally, need to have help to bend my knees up to my chest and then I can hook my arms under my knee joints to hold my hips up for intercourse or oral sex. Sometimes my partner will hold my legs for me so I can lay back, relax, and experience the pleasure, especially during oral sex! Is this getting too X-rated? Anyway, hopefully most people know by now that it takes at least ten minutes of direct stimulation on the clitoris before a woman can experience an orgasm. So, I think it's very important, especially for women who are quads, (because, usually, we can't use our fingers to stimulate ourselves), to make sure your partner stimulates your clitoris by either using a finger or two (which I enjoy while doing the kissing and necking thing) or their tongue, or even better, both! It's important to note here, that your partner must be very careful and aware, at first, of applying too much pressure if you have an indwelling catheter.
However, for me, after a while, the pressure of the stimulation can be much harder and faster until I reach orgasm, and then it's nice to have a consistent softer pressure stimulation to continue the multiple orgasmic sensations. Back to the indwelling catheter issue, for me, sometimes in the beginning of intercourse, I'll get dysreflexic sensations because of the pressure on the catheter, so, I'll need my partner to slow down or use more lubrication, like giving me oral sex for awhile.
COMMUNICATION AND LUBRICATION ARE BOTH EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!
I'm still amazed that I can feel these wonderful muscle contractions and internal tingling sensations throughout my whole body! Remember partners, we can use our mouths, tongues and lips, so, hopefully, we will return the favor to you and give you great, long-lasting oral stimulation as well. Well, I think that's enough for mental stimulation for now. As more ideas come to me, I'll be sending them in, or please feel free to correspond with me if you have specific questions! Meanwhile, I hope and pray that all you women out there find a partner who will want to give you as much pleasure as you can possibly receive!
In Peace and Pleasure, Grace
Reproduced in Paralinks with the expressed consent and approval of the author.