The Worlds Wheelchair Culture
E-MAIL  PARALINKS  4.4.2000

Buz has a unique way of telling the world the details of life as a Quad, straight forward and to the point. Don't let the title fool you, Buz is a positive forward moving individual from British Colombia with a healthy sense of humor. 

Bitch Bitch Bitch by Buz

Takes me 3 hours just to take a crap. Just after a pill is pushed up my ass. I go every second day (part of my routine). Drink everything through a straw. And no you don't get drunk faster drinking beer through a straw. Can't clean my fingernails. Can't floss my teeth. Can't clean the sleep out of my eyes in bed. Can't blow or pick my nose. Can't pop my zitz. I don't fit under tables. Can't work a bank machine. Everybody knows my code. Can't spit farther than my shoulder. Can't change a light bulb. Piss my pants 3 times a week. Gotta sit at the back of the movie theater by the door under the light. Can't just park my van anywhere cuz of my van lift. 

A lot of women don't want to be with a guy in a wheelchair.  All sports are out of the question. I need 24 hour nursing care. I talk on a speaker phone. I can't drive. Jobs are very limited. I wear wrists splints. I wear a condom almost 24 hours a day. I piss through a tube. Can't masturbate. Can't swim. Can't throw a ball. I CAN get an erection but do not orgasm (hmmm, maybe that's a good thing) When the snow is fallin, no I don't need to get chains for my chair. Took a nurse 15 minutes to put my shirt n sweater n coat on. 1/2 hour to change my pants. 45 minutes for a basic scrub down in the shower. Nurse......Can you get me a glass of water please, thanks. Nurse.......Can you open my window please, thanks. Nurse...... Can you make me a sandwich please, thanks. Nurse...... Can you fix my night drainage system please, my condom is blowing up, thanks. Can you unlock the door I think someone is here. 

Okay turn right, turn left, go straight, get in the left lane, turn here, can you tell that guy waiting in the wheelchair parking spot to move, so I can park there. Lets call a tow truck cuz this car don't got a pass on his mirror. Oh I think you got to get just a little bit closer to the curb, nope just a bit closer, ummmmm well that will do. Oooooops.... sorry   Oooooops.... sorry  Oooooops.... sorry  Oooooops.... sorry   Oooooops.... sorry  Oooooops.... sorry  Oooooops.... sorry   Oooooops.... sorry.

 (Never herd that before) bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch more bitching when I feel like it. -Justin

Visit Buz at Spinal Cord Cam or email him at: buzw1z@shaw.ca 

Reproduced in Paralinks with the expressed consent and approval of  the author.

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